Sullen Rush
by Misery Severity
Summary: Lucy Stone is dead and it's all Kendall Knight's fault while James Diamond regrets for what he has done to his best friend's sister. Carlos Garcia hides away from his friends because of his addiction, and Logan Mitchell attempts to rehabilitate him. Unfortunately for them, find out what happens when their friendship suddenly turns violent and abusive.


**Author's Note: This is my second time writing a story that is live-action; my first was Victorious. Strangely, this feels a little bit awkward for me since I'm used to only writing games and animation, mostly Sonic and My Little Pony. However, I can't help but to write this.  
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**I was going to make this a one-shot, but I decided to make it a two, just to make sure it make sense. **

**Also, everyone, I'm not too sure if I should leave this Rated T or upgrade it to M. So, please let me know what's best for me. Please Read and Review for me and let me know what you think.**

**I do not own Big Time Rush, everything is copyrighted to their rightful owners.**

**Okay, enjoy.**

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Sullen Rush

**Kendall:**

…_Famous rock singer, Lucy Stone, is pronounced dead at age 19 on the scene… It is told that she has committed suicide… Doctors are unable to save on her time… Many fans out there are grieving and mourning for the death of their idol… Lucy Stone will be missed…_

I had to turn off the TV. It's too much for me to handle. All over the news is all about Lucy and thinking about it is breaking my heart really bad. And—I can't help the feeling that it's my entire fault that she killed herself.

Last night, I went over to her apartment here in Palm Woods, and—I found her dead. She was lying on the floor and there was blood everywhere. When I took a closer look at her, I noticed that both of her wrists are vertically slashed really deep. She had a sharp kitchen knife clutched in her hand and two tourniquets are tied on both of her arms.

I was so shocked and at the same time, disheartened. I even found her note sitting on her coffee table. It read,

_Dear Kendall Knight,_

_I'm sorry that I have to do this. Ever since your girlfriend, Jo, or whatever her name is, has made a comeback in Palm Woods, you have chosen her over me. Consider this the biggest mistake you have ever made. What you really did is that you've broken my heart so severely. I just can't take this anymore._

_I've loved you ever since I first moved in and instead, you decided to leave me to suffer in pain. It was the worst feeling that I've ever had throughout these years._

_Before I go, I just want to wish you the best of luck for your music career, and tell the rest of the Big Time Rush members that I will miss them as well, although it's you that I will miss most of all. _

_Please, Kendall, please don't forget me. Promise me that you will always think of me every day. And once again, I am truly sorry that I had to do this._

_I know that you don't feel the same way anymore, but I just want to say…_

_I love you._

_Goodbye forever, Kendall Knight._

_Love,_

_Lucy Stone._

I noticed the tears stains all over the paper; they're charcoal-black tears from her heavy makeup that she used to wear all the time. She was crying heavily while writing this letter.

After reading her suicide note, I felt so guilty-guiltier than a murderer who just lost the trial. I just can't believe that she decided to take her life away—just because of me. This time—_I'm_ the murderer… I just killed her.

She was right; this _was_ the biggest mistake that I've made. Jo and I are not getting along anymore and because of her acting career and my music career, we barely have time for each other. I just _had_ to choose her over Lucy. If only I can go back in time and start everything over again, I would've chosen her instead of Jo. She would've been happier.

What have I done?

This guilt—it's killing me inside. I look at a pile of newspaper articles about Lucy on the coffee table. Over and over again, all of the titles repeated,

"**Rock Star Dead at 19"**

"**Lucy Stone Dead, Cause of Death: Suicide by Wrist-Cutting"**

"**Fans Mourn for Death of Lucy Stone, 19"**

"_I GET IT! SHE'S DEAD!" _I mentally screamed at myself. All the rage is starting to build up in my mind and soul.

I have my hands to my head. I wanted to scream and cry; I try to control myself, but it's too complicated to do so. Impulsively, I start banging my head back against the wall really hard, hopefully to get this guilt out of my head. The blows to my cranium are so hard, I could've sworn that I have a concussion or something. But that was the point.

All of the sudden, everything has come to the worst. The rage has become too brutal—I hysterically scream at the top of my lungs as I got up. Without even thinking, I flip the coffee table over in anger; newspapers and everything else went flying in the air.

That's just the beginning. I began to throw things and break everything I see. I've broken several glasses, I knocked down some picture frames hanging on the wall breaking them as well, and I even threw mom's favorite vase against the wall. She's going to kick my ass for doing that, but I don't give a damn.

It seems that I'm all by myself in the apartment. But I'm not.

"HEY!" I turn around to see who it is. It's Carlos coming out of his room, loud in rage as well.

"KEEP IT FREAKING DOWN OVER THERE, WILL YOU?!" he snarled. "I CAN'T DO MY OWN DAMN BUSINESS WITH YOU SCREAMING YOUR HEAD OFF AND TRASHING THE WHOLE PLACE DOWN!"

"SHUT UP!" I retaliated. I grabbed another glass from the table and I threw it right at him. He dodged and missed as it smashed against the wall and shards went flying. I expected that he might fight back, but instead he just stomp back into his room. I heard him slam the door shut on his way back; loud enough for the entire walls to collapse at the vibration.

I give my final hard kick at a wall and then I punch the mirror hanging above it. I shriek in pain. The shards have cut through the skin of my right hand and there's blood running down. I look at my wounds and I watch the blood drip onto the floor. The pain is so excruciating. So this is what and how Lucy feels—now, I can also feel the same pain she feels.

Before I sit back down on the couch, I quickly grab a roll of gauze and I wrapped it tightly around my hand. God, it stings so badly. I slouch down on the sofa with both hands back onto my face, harshly squeezing my head; I was about to literally crack my own skull like an egg. I just can't stop thinking about Lucy. That could've been me, not her.

About that small confrontation with Carlos, one of my best friends since we were kids—this is actually the very first time we had a fight like this. He hasn't been himself lately. Frankly, I don't know what the hell is happening to Carlos for these past few weeks. He's been hiding in his room, locked in like forever, and he refused to tell us what he has been doing.

Every time we asked him, he always shouts, "None of your business!" and then he'd just storm away. Sometimes, he'd even throw random objects right at us. We could've retaliated, but not right in front of my litter sister Katie and mom would always stop us. She really cannot accept any types of violence in this apartment.

Speaking of Katie… I've haven't her since yesterday—and James, too. Logan's whereabouts are unknown as well. My mom went off somewhere just to stay away from us because of all the violence we've been having lately with Carlos.

So… it's just me and Carlos all alone in the apartment, except we refused to make eye contact or even come near each other—not even one inch apart.

I definitely cannot go to Jo. It's too soon. We've haven't made any contact with Gustavo or Kelly lately because of a prolong music hiatus we're currently in and they told us not to call them without a reason why.

I don't know if they all heard about Lucy's suicide yet. I really don't want to tell them that her death is my fault—they'll hate me for killing her. Worse, they may think that I murdered her… and they might put me in jail for that. So for now, I have to keep this to myself. I don't know how much longer I'm going to have to take this pain. I just hope…

Just then, my phone rings. I look at the caller ID: my mom. I answer it, trying to hide away my rage and sadness.

"Mom?" I sniffed.

"_Kendall?" _she sounded extremely sad at the end. _"Katie's in the hospital. Something is wrong with her."_

My heart is pounding really hard at the statement. I quickly pick myself up from the couch. "What? What's going on?"

"_It's too hard for me to explain. You have to come and see for yourself. And James is here, too. He said he found Katie lying on the ground and she was unconscious; she's all bruised and sore. Somebody must've done this to her." _Mom's voice broke throughout the statement. She cannot speak up anymore.

"Don't worry, I'm coming." I told her.

We both hung up after she gave me the name of the hospital they're in. I quickly changed clothes from my room and grabbed my keys. I was going to tell Carlos, but he won't even care. I just left the apartment, leaving him all alone.

Can't this get any worse? First, the girl I used to have feelings for died, and now my sister is hurt and she's in the hospital.

When I get there, James and I are sure going to have a long talk.

**James:**

I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. Over and over again, I keep thinking to myself, _"Is this wrong? For God's sake, she's only 13 and I'm 18. That's just five years apart. Age difference doesn't even matter."_

Ever since Katie just turned 13, she's been developing into a young woman. She grew up so fast. When I look at her, I don't see her as a little girl anymore—I see her as a young, mature, intelligent adult. She's like the sister that I've ever wanted. However, most of the time, I treated her more than a sister.

I also can't help the fact that—I may be really attracted to her. Whenever I come near her, I felt like it's some kind of an imprint—like how Jacob is imprinted to Bella's newborn daughter in 'Twilight'.

I kept debating myself if this is wrong. Does that make me—a pedophile? But we're just five years apart, what difference does it make? If I were one, I'd have to be at least 20 years or older than her.

So—I'm really confused here.

To make matters worse, Katie Knight—is my best friend's little sister.

If Kendall, his mom, Logan and Carlos ever find out about this—what will they think of me?

Yesterday afternoon, I secretly wanted to bond with Katie for a while. I figured that this was a great chance to get to know her more. Without telling anyone in the apartment—not even Mrs. Knight—I took her to the mall to look around, we had lunch together, and we even saw a movie. Unfortunately—things didn't turn out great.

During our moments together, I noticed that I've been really possessive of her. When boys at her age pass by us and they see her, I can't help but to pull her away from them and make sure they don't come near her—like I wanted her for myself.

Worse, even worse… something really wrong happened last night. It was really late out and Katie told me that she wanted to go home as soon as possible. I wanted to comply with her, but my heart is telling me that I should keep her longer.

When we pass by the alley—this happened.

Katie heard some strange noise happening in the alley and curiosity got her attention. She wanted to go in there and find out what it is, hoping that maybe it's a cat. I watched her as she got closer into the darkness. I followed her too.

"James," she asks very innocently, "If Palm Woods ever allowed pets in the apartment, do you think that maybe I can bring home a cat? I always wanted one when I was younger, but mom won't like it."

With her still staring in the darkness and without even turning around to face me—I slowly walked closer to her—with an empty glass bottle in my hand.

I answered. "Maybe, if it's okay with your mom and the others." I nervously tapped the bottle with my arm shaking—in impulse. "Katie? Don't you want to take a closer look? Maybe the cat is hiding—right in front of you."

She did. Katie is still looking through the abyss of darkness. "Where? I don't see—"

And then—I hit her in the back of her head with the bottle. I knocked her out—and then she collapsed on the ground. She was unconscious. Afterwards, I dropped the bottle on the ground. I got to her body—and the rest is history.

What have I done now? I just raped my best friend's little sister. What the fuck is wrong with me? Have I gone mad? Am I crazy?

I'm now in the hospital with Mrs. Knight. I'm pacing back and forth around, with both of my hands tight around my head. When I found out Katie is not waking up, I had to take her to the hospital. I had to lie.

I told Mrs. Knight that Katie went missing and I found her lying in the alley. She's still alive but she's all bruised and there were a little blood on her. I told her that—_somebody _has raped and beaten her. She asked who is was and I told her—that I don't know.

This guilty conscience is killing me in the inside. I don't know how much I can take it. I don't know how much I can keep this charade either. Mrs. Knight is crying uncontrollably for her daughter; she and Kendall will definitely kill me for doing this.

Then—Kendall ran through the hospital's entrance as fast as he could. He's feeling desperate.

"Mom!" he calls out. Mrs. Knight gets up from her seat as Kendall ran closer to us. "I got here as soon as I heard. How is she? Will she be okay?" I can see that he's about to cry. By looking at him, he looks depressed and heartbroken. Also, he has a bloody gauze wrapped around his hand.

"The doctor told us that Katie is severely injured on her gynecological area, and they're doing their best to save her. James told me that he assumed that she was raped when he found her in the alley." Mrs. Knight was crying throughout the whole statement. I can see that she's heartbroken as well. The guilt is becoming so severe for me. "How could this happened to my daughter?" she laments.

Kendall comforts his mother by wrapping his arms around her shoulder. He looked at me, "James, do you know who did this?"

I went silent; my heart is telling me to tell the truth, but instead,

"No," I answered by my natural instincts, "no, I don't."

Kendall looks back at his mom. I can see his facial expression; he suddenly went from somber to hatred. "Don't worry, mom. When I find out who's responsible for doing this to Katie, I'm sure that I'm going to make him pay. And when I find him, I will beat the living shit out of him!"

Hearing Kendall saying that is intimidating me. Turning away from the two and taking a few steps away, I begin to think of the consequences. I have both my eyes tightly closed and my hands gripping onto my head. Listening to Mrs. Knight's sobs is disheartening for me to handle. If I tell the truth, he will literally kill me. But if I keep it in, the guilt _will _kill me more. Now I don't know what's more important. God, this is seriously giving me a migraine.

Then I realized—I have no other choice.

Calmly, I stroll back to Kendall and we make eye contact as he's still comforting his mother.

"Kendall," I began, "let's say if one of our friends is responsible for this, how would you react?"

He answered coldly, "Even as friends, I'd still be doing what I promised to do—that's my sister out there. She doesn't deserve to be in this kind of predicament."

I thought about that, but I still have to do what's right.

I sigh, "Kendall… I did it. It was me all along." I'm about to sob.

Everything went silent. Mrs. Knight picks her head up after hearing my confession. Now, my best friend's eyes have widened in shock.

"What?" he growls quietly. "You mean—you did this to Katie?!" He got up from his seat. I look around and I can tell that the hospital-goers are watching us in the middle of the drama. We have witnesses. I gaze back at him.

"Kendall! I'm sorry, okay?! It was a mistake!"

"What the hell is wrong with you, James!" he shouts in even more hatred. "She's only 13!"

"I—I just don't know what went wrong, okay?! Please, forgive me! I'm sorry!"

"You fucking bastard!" Kendall screams at the top of his lungs. And then, he punches me in the face. The blow is so hard and painful; I fell back on the hospital floor.

All of the sudden, the fight between me and Kendall is so brutally violent; he begins to mercilessly beat me on the cold tiled floor by repeatedly punching me as hard as he could. We can also hear commotions going on from the visitors and the faculty.

"Kendall! Kendall, stop!" I hear his mom urging.

"Stay out of this!" he retaliates as he persists beating me.

At that moment, the fight finally stops when security guards came by. They pull him off of me and I watch him struggle in their arms. One of them helped me off the floor. I carefully touch my face and I can see, feel, and taste blood all over my complexion. I can feel some bruises coming up, too.

Kendall is finally out of their hold. He threatens me with rage, "YOU WILL REGRET THIS, JAMES DIAMOND, I SWEAR YOU WILL! YOU BETTER STAY AWAY FROM HER! IF I EVER CATCH YOU NEAR MY SISTER EVER AGAIN, I WILL SERIOUSLY MURDER YOU!"

So this is what I get. He continued with a snarl, "I better not see you ever again. You should leave."

I followed his orders. I turn to face to the exit, but before I leave, I have one last thing to do. Immediately, I turn back around—and I angrily punch Kendall back in the face. He fell back into Mrs. Knight's arms as she screamed.

"Consider us even, Knight." I told him with cold hatred.

Finally, I turn back to the exit and left.


End file.
